Masturbation can be very empowering for women. Masturbation is a great teaching tool, it teaches women about their bodies, how it responds to sexual stimulation. For many normal and healthy women, masturbation is their primary or only means of experiencing orgasm. Many women experience their most intense orgasms while masturbating. Masturbation is the first and most import sexual skill a woman should learn as it holds the key to enjoying other forms of sexual activity. Ideally this skill is learned prior to the age of ten, but far too often it is not learned until a women is in her late teens or early twenties.

How to Masturbate

Women and girls masturbate in an endless list of ways. Common methods are, massaging of the clitoris with hands and fingers, rubbing the vulva up against pillows, bed cloths, stuffed animals, and furniture, water spray, vibrators, and dildos. The vagina appears to play a limited role in the masturbation practices of women, but vaginal insertion is by no means rare or unusual. Some women employ anal and/or nipple stimulation in addition to clitoral stimulation.

It is important to understand that there is no "correct" or "right" way to masturbate. Some women feel they should be able to masturbate to orgasm using a different or more correct method because they hear other women do it that way. It is important to keep in mind that each woman's anatomy is a little different and her psychological makeup is a lot different. This results in every woman masturbating differently, even if they use the same basic technique. While some women can masturbate to orgasm employing several different techniques, others find they can reach orgasm only when they use the same method each time. There is nothing wrong with this. Partly because of conditioning and partly because of differences in woman's bodies, learning new techniques can be difficult or even impossible. If you are orgasmic with your current masturbation technique, feel free to experiment, but do not feel you have to reach orgasm in other ways. Remember, masturbation is suppose to be fun and enjoyable, no matter how you do it.

Since masturbation is seen as a "solo" activity, some women with partners do not feel it is appropriate for them. Masturbating when you have a partner is viewed by some as a form of adultery. Plus, if you have a partner, it is believed that your sexual activities with them should fulfill all your sexual needs. While a nice ideal, in real life, a lot of women's sexual needs are not met fully by their partner, no matter how good and loving a partner they are. For women with partners, it is important that they understand that it is perfectly okay and normal for them to masturbate, and they should do so without feeling guilty.

Setting the Mood

Time, mood, place. One of the most important things to realize when masturbating is that you need to be relaxed and undistracted in order to really enjoy the experience. Think of this as your time. Take the phone off the hook, lock the door and spend some quality time with yourself. I'm aware that this is not always easy as it sounds, especially if you have kids and a partner, but I really can't stress enough how important it is to try to find time. Women fill so many different roles that it's easy to forget that you are also a person. Taking time for yourself is not being selfish and is not something you should feel guilty about. Everyone needs to take some time away from the rigors of the outside world once in a while.

How you find this time is up to you. One of the ways I do it is to go to the one safe haven in our house, the bathroom. It has a lock; it has a shower and a nice long tub for me to lie in. I can light candles or leave the main light on, I can read a book in peace and I have a very good masturbation tool in the showerhead as well as a pair of hands at my disposal. [One word of warning here if you normally masturbate with a vibrator, please make sure it's waterproof before using it in the bathtub or shower, especially if you normally use an electric one!!]

Another option is of course the bedroom. You may want to consider putting a lock on the door, so you can completely relax without fear of intrusion. Again you have a ready-made multitude of tools at your disposal here to aid your experience if you so wish. Most bedrooms contain a mirror, in many cases a full length one. All contain pillows that can help with positions; most have a cabinet for stashing lubricant, sex toys and erotic books.

Both of the above are great options for settings and you can always dress them up for the occasion and mood setting. By this I mean change the bed linen to your favorite, have some music playing in the background, light some candles, basically find an environment that you can really relax and be comfortable in. You might want to light some incense also, we recommend Body Offering Pheromone Incense. The truth is the more time you put into the preparation the more you'll get out of the experience. I find it also makes me look forward to what's to come more; the anticipation of spending time alone with myself is sometimes half the fun.

For the purpose of this section I'm going to use the bedroom as my setting as it's where most women choose to masturbate. The secret here is to really lie back take the time to really get in touch with your own body. Many women are uncomfortable with the sight of their own naked bodies. One way in which you can begin to feel more comfortable about your own body is to stop comparing it with others. Remember that each of us is individual and our bodies are a simple reflection of that individuality. Getting comfortable with your own body is an important first step to a better sex life and masturbation can aid in this.

If you're one of the many women who feel uncomfortable about taking your clothes off and seeing yourself naked there are a few simple steps you can take in the comfort of your own bedroom to help overcome this. Remember that mirror I mentioned earlier, now is a good time to go and stand in front of it. Slowly begin to undress and watch each part of your own body as it's revealed to you. Once your completely undressed, begin to stoke your body, maybe caress your neck, still watching yourself in the mirror, now slowly beginning to move your hands down your body towards your breasts, still watching. Keep doing this and take it slowly, step by step and you will find that you will become more comfortable with not only the look of your own body but also the feel of it. You may even discover erogenous zones you didn't even know you had!!

Once you're naked, pull up a chair and sit on it's edge with your legs open and take a good look at your genitals in the mirror. See all those folds and curls? They are what make you as unique as the shape of your nose or the color of your eyes. No two vulvas are the same and taking the time to get familiar with yours is time well spent. In order to feel comfortable masturbating, you need to understand your anatomy, what it does and how it can make you feel. Try pulling your labia gently apart and examining your clitoris and vaginal opening. Try gently stroking your clitoris and watch what happens in the mirror. Insert your finger into your vagina and see how it feels, some women enjoy the sensations but many don't, just remember there are no wrongs here! Just gentle exploration and getting to know yourself a little better. This is your time and no one else, so there is no pressure and no reason to wonder if what you are doing is right. If it feels good to you then you're doing it right is the general rule of thumb when it comes to self-love.

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Basic Masturbation Techniques

Below I've described some basic techniques you might like to try as you explore your body a little more:

Place your thumb and forefinger on either side of your clitoris and gently roll it between your fingers. Start slowly and gently and explore until you find the speed that works for you. A variation of this technique is to use both hands and roll your outer lips between the fingers. If your clitoris is sensitive to the touch this can be a great technique to try.

With two fingers placed directly on your clitoris move them in a circular motion. As always try varying the speed and position of your fingers.

Try drawing circles around your clitoris with your middle finger. Again a great technique if you have a sensitive clitoris like many women do.

Trace the alphabet on your clitoris with your index finger. Another great way to discover how certain stokes may affect the sensations your body can produce.

You may like to try placing a finger inside yourself and thrusting it back and forth. A little lubricant can be useful here. Then take your fingers and tap them gently against your clitoris. Vary the speed and intensity of each tap, if you're playing music listen to it's beat and try to develop a rhythm.

Try changing positions. You'll most likely be surprised just how different the sensations of all the above techniques change as you change position. Try sitting, standing, squatting or laying on your belly as well as your back.

The key here is to have fun and become comfortable with your own body and the feelings it can produce as you explore it. This is a way of learning to communicate with yourself, get in touch with your sexual side without fear of rejection or getting it wrong because remember there's no wrongs here.

As I mentioned at the beginning of this section there are as many ways to masturbate as there are women masturbating. Being comfortable with your own body is the first and most important step you will take on this journey of sexual discovery.

More Masturbation Ideas

Masturbation with Vibrators

For those of us that take rather a long time to reach orgasm, continued manual stimulation becomes quite tiring and wrist fatigue has probably prematurely ended countless masturbation sessions for many women. If this is the case then the answer could well be to make the very small investment required to buy a vibrator.

When it comes to vibrators there are basicaly two types. Those operated by batteries and those that require mains electric. Whichever type you choose it's important to realise that both types are powerful although in general the mains electric ones more so.

It's a good idea not to use a vibrator directly on your clitoris the first time you ever try one because of this. You might well find that the stimulation they afford is too intense, so I'd suggest that you first try placing it on your labia or your mons. You may even want to try using it whilst you have your panties on as this can produce a different more subtle sensation than direct clitoral contact. Don't be afraid to try new things, they aren't called sex toys for nothing. The idea is to have fun and find what works for you personally.

One thing that is often over looked when people first try vibrators is lubricants. Just simply adding a small amount of lubricant (we recommend Catalina Collection Personal Lubricant) on your choosen toy before you begin playing can greatly enhance your experience. Just be sure that the lubricant is sutiable for use with the vibrator of your choice. For more information on Vibrators and their use I suggest you visit the Sex Toy section of this site.

Apart from commercially shop brought vibrators there are other vibrating devices that you could press into service for fun. For example, the back of the head of an electric tooth brush is great fun. The fact that it is really narrow allows it to be kept on the clitoris even if you like to squeeze your legs while you play. Automatic washing machines during spin cycle - if you can sit on it - are great. Electric shavers can be fun too, but you have to cover the cutting head. (I used this method as a girl at home several years ago. I would remove the cutting screen and would use sticking plasters to wrap the cutting head to make a padded surface with which to stimulate myself.) - Look around, you will find loads of things that vibrate in kitchens, bathrooms and garages and many can be used to masturbate, provided there are no sharp or moving parts that could hurt you.

Masturbation with Dildos

A word of warning here. Care should always be taken when inserting any object into yourself. Excessive size or over enthusiastic movements can cause internal bruising or worse. Small objects or items that can break or shed parts can cause real problems, such as cutting or internal losses, both of which could require medical assistance to fix. Hygiene too has to be considered. Any germs on an inserted item are going to get into you and could cause infections of various types, it is often a good idea to place a condom over your choosen object. So be warned, if you want to insert something make sure it's safe.

Whatever you choose to insert, it will technically be a dildo, as dildo is the name for a substitute penis used for penetrative masturbation. For this reason we will just use the word dildo but you can read it as being whatever you have to hand (hair brush handle, carrot, candle etc..). First off, try to ensure your vagina is well lubricated, either with natural juices or some form of lubrication such as the Catalina Collection Personal Lubricant. Take it easy with the insertion, especially if the object you are using is larger than say a couple of fingers in diameter. Moving the dildo in and out gives a pleasant feeling but experiment with stirring actions and trying different angles of insertion. An angle where the head of the dildo is going to rub up the front wall of your vagina may be especially nice for you (it rubs on your 'G' spot). Working the dildo only takes one hand so it may be fun to use the other elsewhere, such as on your clitoris. This is the most likely way to have an orgasm as few women orgasm from vaginal stimulation only (though it is nice). It can also be fun to combine a didlo with a vibrator at this point as well, or perhaps invest in the type of dildo that also vibrates.

Dildos can also be used externally to good effect, especially the softer latex/silicone types that are commercially available. To try this option grease up your dildo with plenty of lube, place it in a flat surface that you can straddle (pile of cushions, arm of a sofa, edge of a bath tub etc) and sit on it so that it runs the length of your vulva from clitoris to anus. Slide your body back and forth so that your weight pushes your clitoris and other sensitive parts down onto the shaft as it slides through between your labia majora, and slide to and fro. If this becomes tiring then hold the position, grab the end of the dildo that is sticking out the front and work it back and forth against yourself.

It is worth considering issues of dildo size, especially if you are going to spend on a commercial one. First don't believe the myth that bigger is always better. The best is the one that suites you and that may be a long thin one, a short fat one or a long fat one (especially for those of us that have had children). You're no less of a woman if you want a small one or more of one if you want a king-size tool. It should be kept in mind that narrower shafts are easier to insert and allow faster stroking, whereas thicker ones take more inserting and are usually harder to work in and out, though they do give a pleasant 'stuffed' sensation. The bottom line is be realistic in deciding what you need and what you can handle before you buy, unless you can afford a selection!

Masturbation with Water

Who would have thought that two chemicals, namely hydrogen and oxygen,could be used to give you as a female pleasure, but it's true there are more ways to masturbate in water than you might think. Think bath tub here, think shower and think Jacuzzi/hot tub. All three can be used to great effect in the wonderful world magic kingdom of clitorial massage.

In the Shower
Let's look at the most common technique which involves the use of that neat little tool, the shower head. The hand held kind are especially useful for this approach. The first thing you want to do is adjust the temperature so that it is not too hot for the sensitive area of the vagina. You can always turn up the heat once you are accustomed to the temperature. Then find a comfortable position - either sitting on a seat within the shower, or lying down in the tub. Shower stalls can be a bit confining for this form of masturbation, but there is usually enough room to sit on the floor with your legs bent. I suggest for the first time that you do this that you not stand. I've found that when I'm nearing climax that my legs tend to weaken, and we don't want any unnecessary trips to the emergency room when you accidentally slip and fall.

Now, take the shower head and let the water spray over your body, feel the tingling sensations as it sprays against your breasts. Imagine the sensations are being created by the hands of your lover and spray where you want to feel the touch. Slowly make your way down your torso to your vaginal area. Spreading your legs, let the water reach up and down the insides of your thighs, and when your ready for advancing, move it closer to your clit. Remember that direct contact with your clit may be overpowering, so try moving the water stream back and forth. Try bringing it closer, and moving it farther away to cover a larger area.

You also might note that shower massagers come with many different settings to adjust the streams of the water - everything from mist to pulse. Experiment, try them all! Start with the lightest amount of pressure and work your way up. If you are sitting, you can always operate the water with one hand, and use the fingers on the other hand to either stimulate your breasts and nipples, or you can insert a finger or two and see how that feels.

The main point is to relax and let your body feel all that is happening to it. If it feels good, keep doing it. If it's not right, try sitting in a different position, change the water temperature, try a different pulse setting anything that makes if feel better.

In the Bath Tub
Now we can move onto the bathtub. Like the shower head the bathtub holds many ways to excite and masturbate. Many women, myself included, enjoy lying on their backs in their bathtub and allowing the water from the faucet to wash over their vagina. This isn't always the easiest of positions to achieve but it can be great fun.

Fill the tub with water about halfway. Lie on your back, and bring your buttocks up so they are against or almost against the end of the tub with the faucet. Position your vagina as directly below the faucet as possible. Adjust the temperature and pressure of the water flow to your liking; you might have to tilt up your pelvis to bring your vagina closer to the water flow of the faucet. It might help to use one or both hands to spread open your labia (vagina "lips") so the water can flow directly onto your clitoris. Just one word of warning here, make sure the water isn't too hot! There is nothing worse that scolding your pussy and it certainly isn't pleasurable. Once you have found the right position, lie back, relax, fantasize, and enjoy!

In the Jacuzzi/Hot Tub
If your lucky enough to own a hot tub/Jacuzzi,then the chances are you're already aware of the wonderful effects that the water that flows from it's jets can have on your body. I like to begin by simply relaxing in the tub and allowing the water to wash over me. At this point I'll open my mind and begin to fantasize, sometimes touching my breasts, other times just lying back and relaxing. Once my mind is aroused, I'll turn towards the water jets and position my vagina clitoris so it's directly in the path of the flowing water. A word of caution here: Never position yourself to close to the jet, as the flow of water is normally very strong from these jets. Begin by placing a fair amount of distance between yourself and the water jet and then move closer until you discover a spot that places just the right amount of pressure on your clitoris. Once you've found the right position, relax and enjoy the soothing sensation of the water as it washes over your body.