Do you like sex? I certainly do. I love how close sex can bring me to someone I care about,
and I love how it can deepen my understanding and appreciation of that person. I love how
much healthy pleasure it brings into my life. I love how sex can bring me to delightful
altered states of consciousness, and I love the feelings of acceptance and contentment
and trust it can create in me and my partner.
Good sex is a potpourri of different ingredients, all of which combine to make the act
pleasurable and memorable. This section will take you briefly through some of the
ingredients of good vaginal sex, and while intended for all readers, will focus on
heterosexual lovemaking.
Overall, intercourse is an intimate encounter like all the other activities described in
this guide. Like these other activities, intercourse demands a little bit of know-how and
a lot of communication with your partner.
If you want a little boost to help your partner get in the mood we suggest you try
Primal Instinct Pheromones,
this is a natural sex enhancer that can be used at any time. Sprinkle a few drops on his
or her pillow or apply with your favorite cologne or perfume and increase your chances of sex!
Sexual Pleasure and Intimacy
Most sex guides concentrate on "technique" - this position, that stroke, those toys. We'll
get to these matters later on, but for a moment I want you to think back on your sexual
history and replay in your mind one of your favorite sexual experiences. What were the
key elements of this experience that made it so good for you? I'm actually willing to
bet that the key elements didn't have much to do with technique at all, and had more
to do with passion and energy.
Don't you find it wonderful when a lover is really into what you two are doing together,
and he or she seems actively, passionately, and completely absorbed in the pleasure you
two are creating? Isn't it great when he or she is experiencing deep, overwhelming
delight and directing that energy and appreciation back at you? It's a profound
irony that one of the most effective things you can do to become a better lover is to
learn to appreciate pleasure even more, but in my experience it's true. In my opinion,
the three most important elements to becoming a better lover are learning to feel,
choosing what pleases you, and empathy.
Setting the Mood
Taking the time to make your space inviting is a good way to let someone know you
appreciate them and value having sex with them. Sex is almost always better by
candlelight. Turning off the ringers on your phones or pagers is another nice touch,
as is setting a nice CD on repeat play. Keeping a towel, a bottle of water, and maybe
a warm wet washcloth handy is also a good idea. Keep the room temperature on the warm side.
Another thoughtful thing you can do is keep everything you need within easy reach, so
you don't have to interrupt sex while you fumble around for your lube, a soft mitten,
a condom, or whatever. Laying out the things you might use or else keeping them all
in a drawer by your bed (being sure you can identify everything by touch) will go a
long way towards helping you and your partner feel better about both toys and any
safer sex precautions you deem necessary.
Vaginal Intercourse, Orgasms & Women
Some women have no problem reaching orgasm from simple vaginal penetration because the
movement of the labia can provide some clitoral stimulation while the nerve endings
inside the vagina are delicately engorged. Still there are many women (some estimates
would say as high as 60%) who for anatomical or psychological reasons can't reach orgasm
from penetration alone. This isn't because something's wrong! Sexual intercourse alone
doesn't treat the clitoris to direct stimulation, it almost ignores this important
erogenous area altogether.
A woman who wants to become orgasmic has a variety of options to try. One of the most
useful and enjoyable is a well kept secret sometimes referred to as the T-position.
Begin by the female partner laying on her back. The man, laying perpendicular
(making a 't'), straddles the woman's leg farthest from him. For example, if the man
lays on the left side of the woman, he straddles her right leg. The other leg lays atop
the man. This position exposes the clitoris for stimulation, which either partner can do.
Use a water-based lubricant (we recommend
Catalina
Collection Personal Lubricant) and tenderly massage the clitoris while slowly
rocking back and forth, thrusting the penis gently in and out. While this double
stimulation is very gratifying, most important is how relaxing and intimate it is.
Sometimes it's difficult to provide the required stimulation manually so employ some
type of vibrator. Vibrators are designed to provide intense clitoral stimulation.
During intercourse, you may want something small and unobtrusive such as the
Micro Dolphin. This
Clitoral stimulator can be easily worn during sex, it rest gently and exactly on the
right spot and allows for hands free lovemaking. Couples find this method relaxing
because they are able to lay down, neither partner having to hold his or her weight,
and intimate because with a little adjustment you can talk, enjoy wine or just gaze
into one another's eyes. Being comfortable, relaxed, and stimulated properly is
the key for some women to becoming orgasmic.
Another method changes the way the woman is entered, creating an angle that better
stimulates the clitoris. First, the woman lies on her back with her legs shut. Spread
some lubricant (not too copiously) on the man's penis or dildo if you're using one.
Entry now should cause more stimulation to the clitoris, and more friction at the
nerve-rich surface of the vagina. Many men also find that it is a very nice feeling
on their penis. For a variation, the man can face his partner's legs and then the most
sensitive part of the penis (frenulum) comes in contact with the clitoris. Finally, you
may wish to use a vibrator during intercourse. A quality vibrator is powerful enough to
provide stimulation to both the clitoris and the penis. Using a vibrator with the T
position offers a nice way to stimulate both the woman and man. If you're interested
in massaging both partners try the
Dual
Action Massager. It's a double headed futuristic massager with independent
controls for powerful vibrations and for pleasuring both partners.
To thrust or not to thrust
More thrusting does not necessarily mean more fun. Many couples enjoy insertion and
then a simple rocking back and forth. This can be extremely satisfying because it
allows both partners to relax with one another. Other couples enjoy shallow thrusting
because it provides a great deal of mutual stimulation. Whatever you prefer, remember
that the most sensitive nerve endings in the vagina are near the opening, and therefore
constant stimulation of that area can be gratifying. For the male, shallow penetration
allows constant stimulation of the head of the penis and specifically the frenulum which
are both squeezed by the vaginal muscles located near the vaginal opening. If you do not
know what type of thrusting your partner likes you can exchange positions. One partner can
be on top and dictate the rhythm of penetration and then after a while exchange positions.
This is a way to mutually determine what sort of rhythm you will have during vaginal
intercourse.
Thrusting is made more enjoyable with lubricant. Sometimes a woman does not produce a
sufficient amount of natural lubrication on her own, and lubrication on both the vagina
and penis are helpful for better sex. Prolonged sex can also deplete natural lubrication,
and creams or oils can be applied at intervals along the way. Next time you have sex,
try the Womens Excite Cream,
one of the top rated sex lubricants on the market today.
Most sexually active people today are aware of the clitoris and its role in female pleasure;
similarly, most sexually active people today are aware of the penis and its role in male
pleasure. Knowledge about the female G-spot (the area of the vagina adjacent to the urethral
sponge), however is not as common.
Basically, many women (once they are fairly aroused and possibly have had an orally-induced
clitoral orgasm or two) find that it feels good if someone puts their first two fingers an
inch or two into their vagina (to just beyond the pubic bone) and presses gently but deeply
towards their belly with a circular or "come to me" motion. This tissue can feel ridged,
and as arousal increases you may be able to feel the urethral sponge itself through the
vaginal wall as it swells. G-spot pleasure can be very deep and intense, and if continued
can often be a source of multiple orgasms. It can also feel good to make the circular
motions with one's first two fingers into her G-spot while massaging her clitoris with
the thumb of the same hand, or to repeatedly rotate the two fingers (farther in, keeping
the pressure even all the way around the vagina) to integrate the sensations. G-spot
stimulation sometimes results in female ejaculation. It has been fairly conclusively
demonstrated that female ejaculate is not urine, but if you're still concerned about
it just put a towel down on the bed before starting to play.
